I am disgusted and disillusioned with so many things right now.
Are there good things? Happy things? Positive things? Yes. Of course there are. But so much of the negative and the bad and the unbelievable seems to be overshadowing anything that is good.
I find myself scrolling quickly through Facebook to bypass all of the things I don’t want to see or read. I’m in search of the happy dog with the flower on his head, the cat running away from the balloon, the videos of happy, smiling babies or cute kids dancing. I’ve been actively seeking out the light that the good parts of life can provide while burying my head in the sand about all of the bad.
Because seriously, what can I do about any of the negative? I feel like I have to face reality. Marching, emailing, calling… what does any of it do? Fall on tone deaf ears. Hearts that don’t care will not listen to the agonizing plight of millions. What is the point?
Yelling about the situation we have found ourselves in until we are hoarse is like pissing into the wind. There has to be another answer. Another way. What is the way?
I’m drowning in a sea of helplessness while listening to the cries of people screaming for aid around me. I feel like I have no help left to give. All I have left to offer are my thoughts and my prayers, and we all know that we can’t feed our children on that. We can’t right wrongs with that.
It is not your job to direct me or guide me to what I should do. It is my job to find my way, but I’m lost in woods that are overwhelming my sense of direction. So I stand here in the midst of the forest that we have planted, vines stretching across the ground and up into the trees, blocking the light. I wander aimlessly, unable to find the path that will lead me out of the darkness.
But still, I search.