I went to bed last night before the results of the election were announced. I woke up at four and noticed the light was on in the living room. I knew my daughter was awake and was watching the results. I could not force myself out of bed to watch with her. I was too afraid. I was weak.
I finally left my room. I stood in the doorway between the hall and the living room and looked at my husband. He slowly shook his head.
I collapsed in a chair while I cried. “I don’t understand. How did this happen?” My daughter held me while I cried. She is strong.
The rest of the morning I walked around in a stupor muttering, “I don’t understand. What do we do now?”
My daughter stopped me. She took me by the shoulders and stared into my eyes. “We keep fighting.”
I thought about what she said on my way into work. How do we fight this? I wasn’t even sure what had happened at that point. I was still lost in shock and confusion.
Then I saw the exit polls. Then I knew what happened.
White people happened. White women happened.
Oh yeah, I know. Not ALL white women. But overwhelmingly, white women voted for Trump.
Maybe you are one of the white women who voted for him. Maybe these results don’t bother you.
I want to make it very clear. THESE RESULTS BOTHER ME.
My heart is breaking for all the marginalized people in this country. The people of color, the disabled, the LGBTQ+, the immigrants, the mentally ill, the poor.
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
The same question I’ve been asking myself for three years.
I’ve supported. I’ve lent my voice. I’ve learned. I’ve shared. I have followed all of Jasmine’s Waking up White tips.
I want to do something more. I want to do something tangible and visible. I want to make it clear, without any doubts, that I stand for people of color. When someone sees me, I want them to know that I’m an ally, a co-conspirator, a friend.
All of the profits will be donated to Black Lives Matter. Because money is important, and while I don’t have a lot of it, I can do something to raise it and make sure it gets to the people who can use it. That is the very least I can do.
Today I am sad, I’m worried, and I am scared. But I’m not as sad, worried, or scared as my fellow citizens of color.
I will keep fighting.