Monday, for some reason, I could not quit thinking about baby Cady. Maybe it is because I’m editing Listen To Your Mother stories or maybe it is because David’s apprentice and his wife just had their first baby, a daughter. Whatever the reason, I thought about her all day long.
I remember exactly how she felt when she was small. Chubby, but firm. She felt substantial.
My hands around her middle, I would pick her up and rest her on my shoulder, one hand on her bottom and the other on her back, holding her close to me. She fit perfectly. She was made to be held.
By the time I arrived home, my arms were aching. All I wanted was to pick her up and cradle her.
That’s not what happened.
I walked through the door and she came in to greet me, like always. But this time as she stood in front of me, I noticed that her eye line was slightly above mine. When did that happen? It wasn’t like that last week. “I’ll ignore it I thought.”
“Mom.” She said. “OH-EMM-GEE! I think it is has finally happened.” That’s when I knew that she noticed and that ignoring it was never going to work. Denial. That’s what I needed.
“No. It hasn’t. You are seeing things.”
“Mooommmm…” She drawled. “Turn around.” She grabbed David who had just came home from work. “Dad, who’s taller?” She asked as we stood back to back.
David hemmed and hawed for a minute. “Well, it looks like you might be just a smidge taller than mom.”
She’s been waiting for this day for months… a year or more. Not me. I’ve been dreading this day. Physical evidence that my baby is getting bigger. Which of course I know logically, but hearts don’t always understand logic. Hearts like to hold on.
I turned around and rested my head on her shoulder, tucked into her neck like she used to do with me, and I started to cry as I wrapped my aching arms around my baby and held on for dear life.
Then she started to cry too. Because growing up is hard. Even when it is time. Even when it is something you’ve been looking forward to for months.