I received some disappointing news yesterday. The kind that makes you think “what now”. The kind of news that makes you ask “what’s the point”. I cried all the way home. I walked in the house with washed out mascara face and red, swollen eyes and went straight to my room, put on my nightgown, and crawled into bed to wallow in self-pity.
James came in to check on me. He crawled in bed with me and snuggled up close. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just sad.”
He gave me a hug and crawled out of the bed. “Feel better Momma.”
“I’m just sad. It’s okay.”
“What?” I was confused by his no.
“No it’s not okay.”
“Because you know everything is going to be alright. So you need to just try to be happy.”
“I’m not sure I know how to do that.”
He gave me a serious look. “You just reach down inside yourself and find your happy and bring it out.”
“What if I can’t find it?”
“You will.” He smiled and walked out of the room.
He’s right. I know I will find my happy. In that moment everything seemed hopeless. I felt like my life had hit a huge dead end with no way to turn around. That was the spot I would have to live in forever. Everything I had worked for up to that point was pointless.
Deep in my heart I know that isn’t true. I know that God has a bigger plan for my life that I can’t see. That has been proven to me over and over. But sometimes when you are in the midst of feeling sorry for yourself that is hard to remember. Sometimes the advice you give everyone else going through something hard seems trite when you need to apply it to yourself. Sometimes you need a six year old to remind you that the happy is waiting for you.