“Do you have any questions for me?”
“No. None that I can think of.” I didn’t want to give anything away about why I stood in line three different times and waited several long minutes to sit in the chair in front of her specifically.
“Okay.” She smiled. I’m sure she is used to skeptics like me. She spread the cards across the table. “Pick three cards.” I did. She turned them over, smiled, and looked at me with a slight nod. “These are great cards.”
Two weeks ago while at BlogHer I sat in a chair in front a tarot card reader. She was in a booth sponsored by The Timeline Project, which is a site that encourages you to track your goals. I will admit that, while I felt an unexplainable urge to sit in that chair, I also had some trepidation. This was not the first time I had visited a psychic.
The first time was in 2000. I went with a group of friends. She told me a lot of things like that I would be changing jobs, that I would visit a place with a volcano, that of course I would have kids, and when I asked if I would go back to school (I was considering getting my master’s), that she saw me in a school setting. A few months later I did unexpectedly change jobs after a call from a rather persuasive head hunter. A couple of months after I started at that job they sent me to Seattle. Of course, I do have kids, and while I never got that master’s, I now work for a university.
She also told me that my second husband would be a dark-haired man. My friends laughed. David and I had the marriage that other people envied. Strangers would comment that they could tell how much we loved each other. Divorce? For us? Not an option. But even so, a little part of me broke off that day. She had confirmed my expectations. Marriages do not last. No matter how much you wanted.
Three years later my life was a mess. I lost my dad to cancer. Years of infertility treatments left me broken. I worked all the time. I was never home. I found myself sitting in front a of a different psychic. Her office was in the back room of her home. Large windows filled it with natural light. Crystal angels hanging in the windows reflected rainbows in a million directions. She also told me I would have children, a girl and then a boy. Then she mentioned the dark-haired man and the fact that I would marry him. I crumbled. Tears streamed down my face.
“I don’t want a dark-haired man. I want David.”
She flipped more cards. “You can save your marriage, but only through a lot of hard work.”
She was right. We almost didn’t make it, but almost doesn’t count. We fought. Hard. We went to counseling. We made significant changes in our lives. We held onto each other as we weathered the storm. One year after sitting across from her I was expecting our first baby.
Two weeks ago I sat across from another psychic. I looked at the cards. I saw the smile on her face. I asked her what they meant. I held my breath.
She pointed to the first card, Friendliness. “This card means you have reached perfect harmony in a relationship.” My hands started shaking. “It means you are your own individuals, but you support each other completely, both giving and taking. You are in balance.” Tears hit my eyes. I knew this. I’ve known this for a very long time, but there was still a piece of me that needed this confirmation. I don’t know why, but it did. She saw my reaction. I explained my previous visits with psychics and what this card meant to me. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” She said. “I know.”
She told me that the second card, Going with the Flow, means that I’ve reached a place in my life where I accept what comes. It does not signify passiveness. It is a sign that I believe everything is happening as it should, which I do.
She smiled really big when pointing to the last card, The Master. “Not very many people pull this card.” She told me it means I’m a trusted source of information and advice for my friends and family. I laughed a little thinking of all the times Kristin has told me this and I’ve rolled my eyes. She told me it means that I’ve lived through a lot of hardship, and that I’ve learned from it. That the words I say, the advice I give, comes straight from the heart, from a place of goodness.
“These are really great cards.” She said again. “Especially when you have the three together.”
“Thank you.” I told her. I stood and hugged her. “You have no idea what peace this has given me.” I whispered. She squeezed me a little tighter before pulling away and pushing me back into the world, a little lighter, a little stronger, a little more confident that I am who I am supposed to be.