March is heavy. It settles into my chest like a weight. The grey skies echo the sadness that fills me. Cold wind blows sharp from the north, stinging my skin, and leaving an excuse for the tears that burn my eyes.

March is not a lion. It is a wraith that stirs whirlwinds of memory and pain. It wages war on my carefully put together facade, laying waste to everything I’ve built, and taking back all the ground I’ve won in the last year.

March is lies. With flower beds and greening trees, then blasts of cold fury that steal your breath. It is a promise of new, but holds so much old. The days slide by like a countdown.

1. 2. 3. 4… 19. 20. 21. 22.

There is no wire to cut to stop the bomb. Year after year. You know it is coming. The explosion is inevitable. All you can do is wait.

Twelve years. The pain feels like it has been one day.


This post was written for Just Write as a way to release some of the pain from grief that always finds its way back to my side during March.


  1. says

    It’s a long, weird month for everyone, but it seems to have a special pain in your heart.
    Wishing you the best March can bring you. This is a beautiful post, and I know it’s sad.
    My father and grandfather passed away on the same day – July 2nd – and even that light of summer can be difficult for me.
    Tamara recently posted…Adele Dazeem, Or In Other Words, Happy Blogiversary!My Profile

  2. says

    I have always loved March because it is the month of my birthday. I would always see the kites on calendars in school and think “Yay, that is the month when my birthday comes!” It is interesting to me how different one can feel about a certain time of the year and for good reason. I wish you could feel the fondness for it that I do but of course, you cannot. All I can do is wrap my arms around you to protect you from the cold… <3
    Elaine A. recently posted…So, I can say I’ve done it…My Profile

  3. says

    I know how an anniversary can spoil a whole month. We dread its arrival some years, and then others it creeps up and we don’t even realize why we are out of sorts. You are not alone in this. It doesn’t make it easier, but please know that so many are thinking of you and lifting you up in our hearts and prayers.
    Andrea recently posted…Shot DownMy Profile