What I want you to know

I am not an affectionate person. I have a hard time telling people how I feel, which is odd because I love so big. But then maybe that’s why. Maybe that much love is hard to express verbally. For me anyway.

The thing is though, I want people to know how I feel about them. I want them to know that they are loved and treasured and that my life is better because they are in it. I want them to know how and why they make me happy, and that they have had an impact on my life. And I’ve come to realize, that if I really want them to know these things, I need to tell them.

While I may not have the words to verbalize my feelings, I’ve never had a problem with writing them down. So that’s what I’m going to do. My plan is to make this a monthly feature so that, if (God forbid) something ever happens to me, the people I love will have something to look back on and know that they had an impact.

I met Jodi in an online pregnancy forum in 2007 soon after we found out we were pregnant. Right away we “clicked” with one another. Over the following months we bonded over our similar pregnancy woes. By the time the boys were born in April of 2008, we were best friends. Sometimes I forget that we have not known each other our entire lives.

This is what I want her to know…

Dear Jodi,

When I logged into that forum two and a half years ago I had no idea what I would find. First, a whole lot of crazy, and second, you… a best friend. Someone that I could share the ups and downs of, not only pregnancy, but, well, everything else.

You get me. You know what it is like to be a mom, a working mom at that, and a wife, and a daughter, and to carry the weight and responsibility of the ones you love around on your shoulders, because you do the same thing. You are there to snap me back to reality when I need it and cry with me when I need that. I don’t know what I would do without you.

I know the last almost five years have not been easy for you for lots of reasons, but mostly because of Sam. First there was the NICU and then the months of fear about his health, and then when it was confirmed that he was healthy and everything would be okay you started worrying about his development, which finally ended in the Autism diagnosis.

I don’t know the weight of that burden, but I see how you carry it and I know that it is heavy. I know that some days it weighs you down almost to the point of breaking, but it never breaks you, even though sometimes you think it does.

I know that it tests your faith and that you worry about Sam’s future, but what I really I want you to know is that I have enough faith to carry the both of us. That Sam will have a great life and do amazing things, not in spite of you, but because of you. Sam (and Taylor too of course) is blessed to have you for a mother.

My Maw-maw always told me that God doesn’t put more on us that we can handle, and I know that I’ve told you that over and over and over again, but it is because I know it to be true, and when you feel the load is too heavy and that you can’t go on, I will be here to remind you that you can, because I believe in you. I always will.

You are much better at showing emotion than I am, but know this, I love you, and I am glad you are my friend, and you and yours will always have a place in my heart.

Forever,
Jennifer