If you asked what was the one thing I hate most about parenting, it would not be vomit or poop in the bathtub or the hours of lost sleep or even the whining. It would be homework. I don’t know how it is at your house, but at ours, homework is evil.
A number of factors add up to make the daily homework routine a struggle.
1. We’re all tired. I drop the kids off for school every morning at about seven. We get home from school/daycare and work at about five. That’s a really long day. By the time we get home all we want to do is eat dinner, take a bath, and put on our pajamas. The last thing any of us want to do is more work.
2. We have different learning styles. Cady learns in a completely different way than I do. It makes it really hard for me to help her because I don’t know how to get through to her. Plus they teach kids to do things a different way than they did when I was in school. Sometimes I will be helping her and she will say, “My teacher says we can’t do it like that.” Well too bad because that’s the only way I know how to do it.
3. We can never find a pencil. Seriously. Where are all the freaking school supplies? I can not tell you how many boxes of pencils and bottles of glue I’ve purchased. They just disappear, and then when we need them they are gone. This may seem like a simple thing, but after you’ve argued for 15 minutes over who moved the pencil that was used yesterday and scoured the house for a new one, we could have been done with the homework. It’s a problem.
4. Cady lacks confidence. For you long time readers that will come as a shock, but it is true. For all other things, Cady lives out loud and has a great self esteem, but when it comes to school work she crumbles. There are several things at play here, but (in my opinion) the main one is that I think she has dyslexia. We have traveled a hard road with the school, but they have agreed to test her. Just admitting that there may be another force at play has helped, but we still have this struggle with her believing that she can not do the work. It is heartbreaking for me and frustrating for her.
Homework often ends up with one of us in tears, either crying over the paper (her) or hiding in the bathroom (me). The atmosphere gets so contentious when I force her to do her homework that often, I don’t even try. I just let it slide. When she gets a bad grade on a spelling or math test, I blame myself and promise to try harder to come up with a solution to this problem.
Recently Dr. G (@AskDocG) posted some homework tips on her YouTube channel:
I’m working to implement her tips, and I’m hoping that they help alleviate some of the pain that homework causes at our house.
What about you? Do you think homework is evil? What are some tips you may have to help us with our problem? What works for you?
photo credit: incurable_hippie via photopin cc
Right now, homework is not too bad. It’s a chore yes but Hayden does farely well… but next year when the tripelts will actually have homework, God help me.
From now on I will tell myself that it could be three at once.
For us, it’s not homework itself, it’s the type of homework. SCREW YOU, NUMERATORS, WITH YOUR STUPID DENOMINATORS! I agree that learning styles play a huge role in homework dynamics (in our house, I’m the writing/English/main idea/synomym EVERYTHING BUT MATH person and daddy can do whatever you put in front of him.)
Also, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR DECIMALS.
I’m so dreading more advanced math. David is MUCH better at math than I am, but for some reason I’m always the one that helps with homework. He was never as *ahem* motivated as I was in school.
We somewhat discussed this via Twitter, but a couple of very small things have helped in big ways: 1) Complete homework immediately after school. The last thing a kid wants to do is interrupt play to do the horrid homework. Treat playtime as a reward for completing homework. 2) Provide all necessary supplies. I keep a cupboard for things like pencils, pans, crayons, glue sticks, tape and scissors. Best wishes, Jennifer!
I definitely think it would be easier if she came straight home in the afternoons, but that isn’t the case with us. She has recently gotten into the habit of starting her homework at daycare in the afternoons. Then all I have to do is check it when we get home and go over it with her. That is pretty nice. I have an entire ROOM dedicated to art, craft, and homework supplies. They still go missing. Our house is like a black hole for pencils and pens.
How old is she?
My daughter and I fought in Kindergarten about homework to the point where I wrote a letter to her teacher, the principal and the school board of our public school informing them that i would not be forcing my child to do homework every night. I would encourage her to sit and show me what she did at school using her home work and some days that resulted in completed homework, sometimes not. I’m a big believer that Kindergartners are still too young for actual homework, they need time to rest and to play and to use what they’ve learned in an abstract manner. We read everyday, we did a lot of non-school work activities that reinforced the lessons at school, we read together all the time, we wrote letters to her grandparents and great grandparents and we had a few pen pals. Her teacher (off the record) completely approved of us doing that, but she had to tow the official We have a suspected ADD issue (I was diagnosed in 4th grade and went to Oakland (www.oaklandschool.net) for 2 years to help me learn coping and learning strategies…that experience has really helped me work with her, and she’s actually going there for summer camp this year.) and I am sure that was part of it, but the other part was it was too much pressure for her at that age.
Now, in 3rd grade, she will do her homework without battle on most days (not all), and I attribute that to a few things…
one, not making her do it in Kindergarten where it was a struggle…we had plenty of other battles to fight;
two, changing schools to where homework was more thoughtfully planned with the lesson than what we got in our (over crowded, city) public school, who was at the mercy of largely pre planned classes and homework;
three, we REALLY worked on her self confidence and teaching her to understand that she’s NOT going to get everything right the first time, she doesn’t already know everything, even grown ups make mistakes and have to start over. (This perfectionism was invading every aspect of her life, school and activities as well, she didn’t want to TRY anything new for fear she wouldn’t be immediately an expert…we enrolled her in an aerial arts camp that had people from 6 – 18 and she got to see the big experienced kids fall on their butts when they learned a new trick. It sounds silly, but that really seemed to help her know she didn’t have to be perfect and we didn’t EXPECT her to be.
four, not fighting with her on it. If she doesn’t get it done she is allowed to wake up early and finish it (this has worked out REALLY well for us, sometimes she was just too exhausted to do it, to even understand it) or she can do it during recess (this won’t be allowed next year, thankfully it’s not the option she chooses too often, usually if she’s not feeling well that night or the next morning.) And if she doesn’t get it done…she has to bear the responsibility for it. We’ve put it in her court to get it done and she’s really risen to the occasion.
There are still some focusing problems and we’re working with her on them, but they mostly manifest at school these days.
My daughter is 8, and she is in second grade. Thanks for the tips. I think the main thing I need to work on is her confidence. She has taken a big hit this year, and more than half of “homework” time is listening to her cry that she can’t do it. We’re working on it.
We’re not at this stage yet, but I dread it. Seriously. My oldest is going to be a struggle, I can tell.
Fingers crossed that he doesn’t. It is NOT fun.
Ugh! Homework! I have 2 that do it, one that also has music theory in addition to the piano practicing. And the other will start all that next year. And the third one starts homework in 2 years. And of course they all want my help at the same time, and call loudly to me all at the same time, this while trying to make dinner.
fun, fun, fun!
Yes!!!! This all happens right as we all walk in the door from being at work/school all day and everyone wants my attention right THEN! And all I want to do is sit and be still for 15 minutes. I usually end up hiding in the bathroom.
I try to remember that the point of homework is not to memorize the names of all the moons around Jupiter but to learn self-directed learning. And that means working towards SELF-directed learning. Meaning I leave as much of this between my kids and their teachers as I can!
I like this. I think that is perfect. I’m going to tell her this when she tells me that she NEEDS me and that she just CAN’T do it ALONE.
Since we are homeschooling now all work is technically homework but it’s not as stressful as it was when my daughter was in public school. No longer do we have to sit down after she’s been at school for 7 hours. We get everything done in the morning and she can play the rest of the day.
I admire you homeschool mommas. I’m not sure I could ever be disciplined or organized enough to actually accomplish what we needed to do in a day. Although, I’ve sworn before that if I ever win the lottery I’m going to homeschool so that we can travel.
5th grade math may very well be the death of me! It seems like the way they teach them to do it takes about 10 times as long as the way I know and it is way more confusing. Most of the time we end up arguing. I’ve been trying to follow some of Doc G’s tips too and they are helping. I never do my girls’ homework or projects for them but I do want to make sure they understand why they’re doing it and how they got their results. I’m hoping that Algebra comes back easily to me when she heads to 6th grade next year or I’m screwed!
Yes. I try to make sure she understands that it is HER work. I’ll offer advice, check the work for her, and try to help explain things if she gets stuck, but I do not do it for her.
I only have one doing homework right now, and I’m not looking forward to when all three have to do it. Great tips from Dr. G!
Dr. G rocks!
As a former elementary teacher who now does homework with her kids, I write a lot about homework on my blog (and don’t want to link here because it’ll seem spammy, but if you go to julieverse and search homework, you’ll see tons.)
Anyway, just a little quick advice that works well–
-do homework in chunks, giving breaks as mini rewards after a chunk is over.
-kids don’t have to be traditional. there’s no rule about sitting at a proper desk, so if he wants to stand, go for it!
-keep everything in a homework station that can be pulled out at homework time and put away after homework. If you have all the supplies you could ever need in there, there will be no getting up to go get something and then being distracted by 10 other things along the way. How to stock your station? Take your school supply list and buy and extra of (nearly) everything, plus a dictionary.
I think the problem with the supplies is that they get raided for other projects. Well, that’s one of the problems. I seriously have no idea what happens to all of the pencils I buy. I need to buy stock in Ticonderoga.
It is definitely a struggle. Especially with (ahem) puberty thrown into the mix. Hoo-Boy, is homework the drama hour. I dread the heck out of it.
Oh Lord. With the drama we have now, I don’t even want to think about throwing puberty into the mix. I can only imagine what it will be like then.
I feel this. I swear I buy packs of pencils once a week because they disappear. My son got mad at me for teaching him how I learned division and how to multiply two-digit numbers together. Like you said, they don’t learn it that way anymore, so I said, “think of this as a shortcut. You can still do it the way your teacher tells you when it’s required.”
We do our homework immediately afterschool (which is probably not possible in your case given the work schedule) and that helps. My son isn’t as big a deal. HE’s self-motivated and completes on his own. Daughter? I have to babysit every last thing she does and it’s laborious and exhausting. But we’ve talked about our daughters already, now haven’t we?
I do the same thing. I’ll tell her if she wants my help then she is going to have to do it my way because for me to do it her way I would have to go back to school.
And yes, I think our little divas have a lot in common. It is so exhausting. So, so exhausting.
My son is only in kindergarten and I have been shocked at the amount of homework he has to do. At this age homework for him means homework for me, and I think I hate it more than he does. They tell us we should be doing only 30 minutes of work per night, but with math work, spelling words, sight words, reading practice and monthly projects, it takes a lot more time than that. Shouldn’t kids have time to play after a long day at school?
She didn’t have so much in kindergarten. She had to read a story a couple of times a week and practice her sight words. First grade was not much more than that, and actually she doesn’t have a TON in second grade. It is more the fight than the amount.
It so depends on the kid…and the teacher. My oldest kid is seriously Stepford and loves all things related to school. Awww, with the middle I feel the same way you do. And I so hear you about the freaking pencils!
I loved school too, and… I kind of hate to admit this, other than spelling and memorizing vocabulary words when I was older, I never really had to do homework. If I sat in class and took notes, then I was good to go. Which actually made it harder on me in college when so much of the learning was self-study. I think that’s one of the reasons I give up so easily with her now. I really need to have a better attitude about it.
This one’s a sore topic for me, too!
(Love this post!)
Homework! {patooie}
We don’t really have a homework nightmare right now. And I have three doing homework in between all their activities. Like you I can’t negotiate a time to do homework – they have to do it right after school because they have practices and games starting at 5:00. I meet them at home by 3:30, sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I am much better with homework than my husband.
When my older two were younger they each had a homework box where they stowed all their pencils, crayosns, glue sticks, etc. We are really into personal responsibility so that seemed like a good solution. Right now it isn’t necessary, but I would go back to it again if it was.
I have to say that my children’s teachers are very good homework assigners. For the most part it is very relevant and they don’t get a ton (Kind, 5th grade, 7th grade). They do do a lot of projects, but usually some of the project work is handled in school. My Kindergartner has a weekly homework. On monday and wednesday she has to read a book and write a journal entry with a picture. On Tuesday and Thursday she has to pick a way to practice her spelling and math facts. It could be a computer game, flash cards, writing facts, whatever she gets to pick. And then I sign off on the homework page and she gets a “preferred fun” activity on Friday.
I did see a suggestion a while ago somewhere. If Cady’s homework is not working for you all and it seems like the purpose is just to practice what was learned that day, ask the teacher if you can do the “homework” in a different way (kind of like what my youngest’s K teacher does on Tuesday and Thursday). There are so many great sights and games out there (especially tap into all the homeschooling ones) that Cady could probably find homework that hit the subject matter, but wasn’t such a struggle for her especially with her learning issues.
Good luck! I know you and Cady will figure it out – you two are smart cookies!
I think I may get a little bin for each of them for “homework” and stock it just like the box they have at school and LABEL it. Maybe that will help things stay where they need to be.
One of my pet peeves is that they don’t bring home books anymore. So, I can’t even do like my parents did and look through the book to see whatever process they are using now so I can help. Noah is doing division in school now and he was dividing two and three digit decimals by two and three digit decimals. Now, the ONLY way I know how to do this is long division. He was stuck on one and I started doing the problem to show him- he was completely lost. They do something called the lattice method where they draw a chart. He showed me how, but I can’t remember how to set them up and since I don’t understand it, I can’t check his work and show him where he went wrong. It is SO FRUSTRATING!
And, yes, Noah has issues with homework too. He thinks he is terrible at math and can go from being happy and cheerful to a complete meltdown over ONE problem. If ONE problem derails him, he is suddenly terrible at ALL math, certain he is going to fail, etc. On good days, I let him finish his meltdown and calm down before revisiting the problem with a fresh perspective. Then, he usually gets it okay and is all better. But more often than not, I wind up yelling at him which just makes the whole thing worse.
Nope, no books. All she has is worksheets. She had some makeup work from when she was out sick last week, and on a couple of things I just had to write a note to the teacher, “I have no idea how she is supposed to do this.”
We have a similar problem with pens. The delicious ones I buy for myself disappear. Then the write bros stick pens. Then the ones from the bank. Then the cheap advertising ones.
To assign work for you to do at home leaves a confusing message. The culture as a whole is still down on homeschool, but parents are expected to spend, however long it takes in the evening, teaching?
My SIL shadowed her kids through a day of school and found that once you take away transitions, classroom business, lunch, and recess, there was about two hours of actual instructional time. If you are spending more time than that, I would look into materials that will make your job easier. Lots of families do what is called “after-schooling”. They can’t afford for mom or dad to stay home, but they homeschool in the evenings.
I have not heard of this “after-schooling”. I will have to look into it. I know that once we get an official diagnosis I will be looking into finding an appropriate reading tutor. She HATES to read, and honestly, I dread listening to her read out loud. I know that probably makes me a bad mom, but it’s true. Plus? I have no idea how to help her, but I do know that both of us being frustrated is not the answer.
You just described every afternoon in my house to a tee. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this.
The real “evil” about homework is that it usurps parental authority. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong about teachers sending assignments home for children to do. It is extremely wrong for teachers to do so with the assumption that they can enforce compliance with severe grades and override the parents as the final decision-makers. As a parent, you’ll face lots of challenges as your kids are growing up. Homework is unique in that you lose your authority to address the challenge using your own judgment in your own way.
I think after 7-8 hours of school children shouldn’t then come home with 2-3 hours of more work. They don’t have time for family, play, exercise or to relax. I feel bad for the families that deal with before/after care/daycare because that cuts into family time even more. I’ve talked to teachers about it and their hands are tied. They are REQUIRED to give homework a certain amount of days. We’ve lucked out with our son, he gets a packet on Friday so we usually finish the entire week’s homework on the weekend. this leaves time for studying, family time and kid things