The “bury my head in the sand” approach is not working, and I know everyone is probably tired of reading about this and just wants to move on with their holidays and think about happy things, but the words… they are finally freeing themselves.
I am devastated by what happened at Sandy Hook. Totally and unbearably devastated. But part of my brain keeps telling me I don’t have the right to be. Those kids were not my babies. BUT they WERE babies. They still believed in Santa Claus and that jumping off the couch into a pile of pillows was flying.
A reader once commented that I have momma in my DNA. I’ll never forget it because it was my most favorite comment ever. And I this is the reason I can not move on. I love kids. Not just mine, but yours too. Even the annoying ones. I would stand with you, linked arm in arm, to stop a freight train from harming your child. And yet… we didn’t stop this from happening.
I don’t know what the answer is… gun control? I don’t see how that would help. Someone determined to see through a violent act will find a way. They’ll just rent a panel truck and buy a shit ton of fertilizer.
But at the same time… do I think part of being a responsible gun owner is limiting these types of weapons from ever being in the hands of someone that would do something like this? Yes, I do.
Do I think we need to focus on mental health issues in this country? Oh my God, YES!!!!
So many questions, but no good answers. So I’m doing what I can. I’m hugging my kids more, and I’m trying not to be frustrated when they whine or sneak too much candy or get out of bed for the seventh time in thirty minutes. I drop them off at school and make them look me in the eyes while I tell them, “I love you,” with an earnestness that I may not have used before, even if that is they way I felt. Because just in case… I need the last thing they hear from me to be that I love them.
Because the truth is the scariest thing of all. We can not keep them safe. We grow them in our bodies and we nurture them and love them and hold them close and take care of them the best way we know how, but then we send them out into the world where bad things happen.
We can’t protect them. And I’m not just devastated. I’m terrified.