My friend Jodi guest posted a few weeks ago about Willpower and I asked you to pray for her as she went in to have surgery. Here is an update from her.
It’s been 36 years since I have been on this planet. Out of those 36 years I have been overweight to some extent approximately 33 of them. That’s a long time to be fat people. I have been fat for so long that I have never known what it is like to be a “normal” size. I can’t say, “Oh in high school I was SO thin…” I can’t show my daughter prom or homecoming pictures. I never had a lot of experiences that most people take for granted. (Can you hear the tiny violin playing now?)
I underwent my third plastic surgery on January 21st. A surgery that was supposed to take off the remaining skin that showed the evidence of my former fatness. It was supposed to make me look in the mirror and not shudder in horror. It was supposed to make me feel better and be able to move and run and exercise like everyone else. I am sure your next question is, “Did it work?”
Well the answer is yes and no. The surgeon did a fantastic job. He listened to what I said and he did his very best to give me what I wanted: NORMALITY. I figured out during my three week sabatical from work that I will never not be that “fat girl” in my head. I will always battle weight and food. It’s just my lot in life.
It’s not such a bad thing. I have used my issues to help people I love and complete strangers. I have been very open about my weight and my struggle. I have talked to anyone who would listen about it. I did this for many reasons. I wanted to help them, and frankly it was free therapy for me. I am not the only one out there. I am absolutely not alone.
I recently faced a decision regarding my surgery and whether or not it was “cosmetic” in nature or not. I went to my surgeon and asked him if he thought my surgerical procedures were vain in nature. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “Jodi not one procedure you have had was cosmetic. (I made the wtf face) Every single procedure you have been through was RECONSTRUCTIVE.” He said, “You didn’t come in here and say I wanna look BETTER, you’re exact words to me were I want to be normal and healthy.”
That really, really made me feel good. I cried the whole way home. The scars I am left with all of a sudden weren’t so ugly to me. They are “battle scars”. I fought a demon and I beat it. I fight it everyday and I beat it.
And if I can beat it then anyone can. You can.
Many of you read my Battle post last week, and then on Friday I updated about Moving Forward. Jodi has agreed to coach me through this struggle and be my mentor. All I have to do is listen to what she says and then do it. And if I don’t she’ll drive three and half hours to kick my ass.
I know I can do this with her help. I just know it. Not necessarily because I believe in myself (yet), but because she believes in me and because so many of you do too. I will be sharing what I’m doing and some of her tips going forward. I won’t say it will be a weekly thing, but it will be a constant thing. This isn’t something you can beat over night, but it IS something you can beat. And I can beat. I hope y’all stick around for the ride.